Arts and Entertainments Tips

Drive Away The Monotony–Discover The Joy Of Fun Sites

admin — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 01:45:10 +0000

Drive Away The Monotony–Discover The Joy Of Fun Sites

By: Diana Daniels

Tired after a long day at work? Bored with nothing to do? Cheer up and log on to fun sites. Funny pictures, videos, humor, jokes, puzzles, games -you’ll find everything packed in these sites that will instantly lighten your mood. You can spend away hours at these sites soaking in all the fun. Fun sites work as great stress-busters offering unadulterated amusement.

In the hectic, packed schedules of the day with deadlines to meet, projects to complete, it is refreshing and relaxing to slip in a bit of breather in the form of browsing fun sites for games humor, etc. Or when you are whiling away your time, with nothing to occupy you, fun sites are a great way to spend time. Fun sites come in a number of categories catering to children and adults.

Fun sites provide games, cartoons, funny pictures and videos, puzzles, and lots of other stuff that will amuse and entertain. There are humor videos to tickle the funny bones-from amusing home videos to funny situations captured on tape. People love watching these videos as they give them mirth and joy. Humor is one all encompassing quality that connects us all. Users can create their own accounts at these sites and upload videos and pictures for thousands to share. There are thousands of funny pictures, cartoons to browse through that are sure to elicit hearty laughter. The simple visual appeal of these pictures and videos make these sites so popular.

Users can also chose to play a variety of online games like shooting games, racing games, arcade games, puzzle games and many more. Become a race car driver or shoot aliens, play alone or compete with other players-exciting and appealing once you are hooked on to these games, your spare times will become so much more enjoyable .If one is looking for a little bit of brain stimulation they can opt to solve puzzles or answer riddles which is also provided by these sites and find them a delightful way to pass time. Owing to their immense popularity, hordes of fun sites are now available over the net and users are spoilt for choices.

It is said laughter is the best medicine–a healthy dose of laughter drives away the blues and keeps our minds refreshed and rejuvenated. In the hectic pace of daily life, it is a lesson often hard to follow. But with fun sites it becomes easier to bring back the laughter and humor in our lives.

Drive Away The Monotony–Discover The Joy Of Fun Sites
Drive Away The Monotony--Discover The Joy Of Fun SitesBy: Diana Daniels Tired after a long day at work? Bored with nothing to do? Cheer up and log on ...

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_319.shtml

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Urgent Search For New Islamic Sect, Called Smiley Muslims

admin — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 01:33:17 +0000

Urgent Search For New Islamic Sect, Called Smiley Muslims

By: Tom Attea

As Shiites and Sunnis continue to knock each other off in Iraq and rant against the West, the search for a new Muslim sect has become urgent.

The revolutionary spin off, to be called Smiley Muslims, has only one religious duty: smiling.

No member is encouraged to carry a gun or don a suicide belt. Not even to rave on about how holy Islam is compared to any other religion and vow to kill all the infidels. Even praying five times a day or shouting “God is great!” is not required.

In fact, the Smiley Muslim is sort of the Islamic equivalent of Peter Sellers in Being There, with an ever-present, angelic smile. This is the sole reformative duty of the sect to Allah.

The new group is expected to quickly become the most popular and well-liked Muslim sect in history.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_243.shtml

Urgent Search For New Islamic Sect, Called Smiley Muslims
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New Cosmetic Surgery Provides Eyelashes You Can Perm

admin — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 01:21:03 +0000

New Cosmetic Surgery Provides Eyelashes You Can Perm

By: Tom Attea

Think you?ve seen it all? How about having eyelashes long enough to perm or gazing into the eyes of a woman who perms her own? As long as we?ve got our eyes on tomorrow, how about if the lovely lass wears them in pigtails?

Such lashes just became a real possibility, thanks to ever-resourceful plastic surgeons figuring out how to transplant head hair into eyelids.

The technique, originally developed to reconstruct burn, has now been transferred to people who burn only to be more alluring.

Quick cut to scenes of tomorrow, as we hear the lucky man in the match say, ?Excuse me, sweetheart, but your eyelashes are in my beer.?

Or a woman with the especially long lashes who trips, exclaims to a guy, ?Will you please be careful? You stepped on my eyelashes.?

Of course, we can?t leave without redoing the classic love scene.

The sultry lady asks, ?When you look into my eyes, darling, what do you see??

Her lover gazes into them, and replies, ?Actually, sweetheart, I see dandruff.?

By the way, men can also opt to have the procedure, and reports are that some of them are casting a come-hither look at the technique.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_233.shtml

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Queen Exiled to Italy!

admin — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 00:58:18 +0000

Queen Exiled to Italy!

By: Robert William Locke

Ousted by the Republican party after a closely fought referendum(51%) in which the Monarchy is declared an anachronism, the Queen and Prince Consort decide to live out their exile in Italy. The former UK is now known as New English Republican Dominions (NERD). Follow their daily adventures as they come to terms with the complicated political and social mores of Italy while keeping in touch with events and personalities back home.

Get details on Italian tourism, events and Italian recipes on :- www.queeninitaly.com

Queen and TomKat

Tom Cruise’s wedding seemed to be getting a lot of attention in the NERD press- much more than in the Italian papers.

The town of Bracciano was beseiged by paparazzi and one ex-English resident of the town had written to the Middle England Bible complaining that they would like their town back…. please Tom!

But some residents were cashing in on the event,even renting out their balconies with a view of the castle for a mere $1,000 for the day! Tom of course was in full control - he had put a million dollar gagging order on the catering staff so that no details of the wedding feast at one of the most famous restaurants in Rome would be revealed.

“But who cares what they are going to eat?” protested the Queen.

“Well, I suppose a waiter could get a nice tidy sum for revealing the menu to a journalist and steal Tom’s thunder” mused the Press Secretary. “But he didn’t succeed in getting the airspace closed over Bracciano - the helicopter traffic is deafening”, he laughed.

“The Scientology wedding ceremony is rather interesting- he promises or acknowledges that ‘girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan,a comb and perhaps a cat!” exclaimed the Queen.

“And she promises or knows that ‘young men are free and may forget their promises” chimed in the Press Secretary.

Prince Consort snorted “So, if Tom is unfaithful, she can beat him over the head with the pan, use the comb to get him out of her hair and console herself with the company of the cat!”

Next morning the Press Secretary announced to no one in particular

“She’s absolutely furious!”

“Who?”the Queen asked puzzled

“The Mayor of Bracciano, the town where TomKat tied the knot” said the Press Secretary.

“Tomcat is a male cat” said PC with great emphasis.

“But that was not clarified in the Scientology wedding ceremony - ‘perhaps a cat’ - sex not specified” said the Queen.

“Anyway,why is the Mayor so upset?”

“First, she did not get an invite to the wedding and the Mayor of Rome did -so sour grapes there. Secondly , the town was besieged by paparazzi, traffic blocked and then TomKat did not even make an appearance or go on a walkabout- it could have really put Bracciano on the map and the residents might have got a little thrill- you know’Bracciano becomes a Hollywood Suburb’” said the Press Secretary.

“Instead, nobody appeared in the town - everybody arrived surrounded by bodyguards, portcullis up and all the town got to see were a few lousy fireworks and as it was a foggy evening, these were damp squibs. No flowers sent to the Mayor, no telegram of thanks” he continued. “And she was going to make them Honorary Citizens of Bracciano!”

“You know, I think the Mayor is right” the Queen said thoughtfully ” They should have done a walkabout - I would have done - I have always respected my subjects- I mean people in general” she finished lamely.

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“At least Mrs Beckham’s hat was useful - she was wearing what looked like a flying saucer !” sneered PC.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_269.shtml

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Celebrities Provide The Third Answer: Fame With Power

admin — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 00:04:56 +0000

Celebrities Provide The Third Answer: Fame With Power

By: Tom Attea

The usual cynic?s choice is to ask, what would you rather have, fame without power or power without fame? Yet even a cursory look at contemporary society reveals that celebrities have managed to devise a third choice: fame with power.

There is no shortage of for instances. Take Ronald Regan, who went from fame in Hollywood to power in Washington. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has so far gone from fame in Hollywood to power in Sacramento, with his eyes on DC, if his advocates can only get the constitution amended so that a born Austrian can run like a born American. Given the proportion of immigrants who now inhabit the land, the likelihood of Presidential power for the Terminator is hardly out of the question.

Of course, there are also lesser and more numerous instances of the celebrity?s ability to combine fame with power. How about Mel Gibson, arrested for DWI and a month later we noticed that the arresting officer was being investigated?

Or Barbra Streisand telling a fan to shut up with a word that is not usually accepted in public discourse and then blithely continuing her tour. What if a relatively powerless person like a Senator, say, John Kerry had said the ?F? word, as in getting ?stuck in f-ing Iraq?? The man would have been sent beyond temporary oblivion and been made to resign from the Senate.

Finally, we have Paul McCartney, who, though embroiled in a divorce where his bride is accusing him of abuse, was able to attend the premier of a new classical piece he managed to compose at The Albert Hall.

The time has obviously come when cynics should adjust their choices.

It seems that the only people who are in a real pickle are the ones in the unnamed group ? those without fame or power. Well, that seems to include most of us. But what would all the celebrities do without us to play to? No audience, no performance.

So we come full circle, not as cynics but as optimists. Sure, there are the secretive few who have power without fame. But most people, who seem on the surface to be distinguished by neither fame nor power, may actually possess the most power, at least, over that uniquely famous and powerful group we refer to as celebrities.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.

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Eight Fired U. S. Attorneys Asked If Gonzales Should Stay

admin — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 23:33:29 +0000

Eight Fired U. S. Attorneys Asked If Gonzales Should Stay

By: Tom Attea

In a rare turn of events, in which the victims of political nonsense get to have their day in court, the eight U. S. attorneys who were fired under the watch of Attorney General Alberto Gonzales have been asked to decide if he should stay on the job.

When asked how they might vote, one of the attorneys said, ?I always like to give the guy who fires me a chance to keep his own position.?

Another one noted the testimony by the Attorney General?s chief of staff, Kyle Sampson, that Gonzales coordinated the evaluations of the 93 attorneys ?to see where changes might be appropriate.?

?I think firing me was inappropriate,? the ousted attorney maintained. ?And I think it?s only fair for Attorney General Gonzales to enjoy a fate that?s just as inappropriate.?

A third member of the dismissed U. S. attorneys struck a more sympathetic note. ?I don?t think Albert Gonzales should allow himself to be a victim of the sort of political witch hunts that have become all too common. I think he should stay on until he himself realizes what a relief it is not to be part of the current administration.?

Given the widespread sentiment of the eight attorneys about their firing, there seems little doubt that they will come down on the side of handing Gonzales the pink slip. With eight to choose from, they certainly have a ready supply.

Yet they must face the fact that Gonzales believes that, as the first attorney general of Mexican descent, he cannot, for ethnic reasons, resign. To bolster his position, he said, ?”At the end of the day, I know what I did. And I know that the motivations for the decisions I made were not based on improper reasons. I was simply making it easier for these eight attorneys to take a vacation in Acapulco.”

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.

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Islamic Woman Nabbed For Wearing Belt Made Of Live Crocodiles

admin — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:37:21 +0000

Islamic Woman Nabbed For Wearing Belt Made Of Live Crocodiles

By: Tom Attea

Some news stories are so funny there?s little to do except present them for any of our readers who haven?t chanced upon them. Here?s one that demonstrates female Islamic dress can get even more frightening than it already is.

It seems that guards at a crossing at the Rafah terminal in southern Gaza noticed that a Moslem woman appeared, despite her veiled face and loose robe, ?strangely fat.? They mustered the courage to approach the oddly shaped lass, despite the possibility that she might be outfitted with an unusually robust suicide belt.

Propriety being observed to a fault, lest some inadvertence lead to stoning or another alarming throwback, a female guard was entrusted to examine the woman ? and discovered, to her dismay, that her examinee was actually wearing a belt made up of three live crocodiles, each about 20 inches long.

The incident sparked panic at the crossing. “The policewoman screamed and ran out of the room, and then women began screaming and panicking when they heard,” a spokeswoman for the European observers who run the crossing explained. When things calmed down, she said, “everybody was admiring a woman who is able to tie crocodiles to her body.”

The woman, it turns out, was attempting to smuggle the reptiles out of Egypt to sell them to the small zoo in Gaza or to anybody else who might be interested in owning a pet croc.

As you might guess, in that male-dominated and sadly regressive part of the world, the woman confessed that she “was asked” to transport the crocodiles. The reptilian items would be worth “good money” in Gaza, up to about $500.

At least, the guys who trusted her with job had the foresight to tie the jaws of her cargo of crocs shut.

The errant animals were returned to the Egyptian side, no doubt much to the disappointment of the lady who was smuggling them and the men who outfitted her.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_292.

Islamic Woman Nabbed For Wearing Belt Made Of Live Crocodiles
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Presidential Prospects of John Kerry Not Very Merry

admin — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 20:21:16 +0000

Presidential Prospects of John Kerry Not Very Merry

By: Tom Attea

Although John Kerry was not very merry when he lost his bid for President, he continued to maintain that he deserves a second chance. He might have had one if it weren?t for two very significant obstacles: Hillary Clinton and John Kerry.

There is little he can do about the allure of Hillary. Though she?s a member of the party that seems determined to be at odds with the inclinations of most Americans, she might have so much appeal that she can pull off a Presidential win.

But a more significant obstacle for Senator Kerry is the Senator himself. Veteran politico that he is, he seems to have run his own swift boat into the rocks. How could he have allowed himself such an egregious misjudgment as to state before a university audience that anybody who doesn?t study hard could ?get stuck in Iraq??

Oh, he did have the sense to offer an apology, or was persuaded to provide one. But what a lame excuse. He said he misspoke and actually meant to say that such a neglectful student could become a President who gets the nation stuck in Iraq. The circumlocution is so awkward it would only have a place in a very hastily scribbled script and would very likely be misspoken. It matters little.

He gave the Republican lions just the steak they were longing to have tossed to them and they went to work on it ravenously. He also became, in the opinion of many of his fellow Democrats, a candidate with a mild case of leprosy.

Given the inviting choice of Hillary Clinton and his own woeful punch at his own jaw, just how merry can his prospects be for a second run as the Democratic candidate?

Of course, he can always promise to have his mouth wired shut. But it?s hard to imagine a Presidential candidate with such an encumbrance on the campaign trail. At least, he would have a credible excuse for misspeaking.

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.

Presidential Prospects of John Kerry Not Very Merry
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Hi! I’m a Happy Axe Murderer!

admin — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:16:52 +0000

Hi! I\’m a Happy Axe Murderer!

By: Denise Tarka

The shriek was one of complete, conscious fear. Their parents raced to the room. Matthew stood over his quivering, prostrate sister, plastic axe in hand, beaming.

Matthew?s father boomed, ?WHAT HAPPENED HERE??

His sister choked out the words between sobs, ?He, he hit me with his axe.?

Matthew?s mother checked her darling daughter for gashes and contusions.

?She?s okay,? she assured everyone, ?just shaken.? A cuddle, a kiss away of tears, and the six year-old sidled to her bedroom to avoid the inevitably loud reprimand.

?MATTHEW,? boomed his father, ?WE-DO-NOT-HIT-PEOPLE-WITH-AXES!?

?No hit people with axe?? Matthew queried.

?No, we do not hit people with axes.?

?Okay, hit couch with axe?? He looked hopefully at his father.

His father sighed. ?Yes, you can hit the couch with the axe.?

?Matthew fire-fighter,? he said as he repeatedly walloped the couch.

Matthew?s mother feared for the integrity of her sofa?s fabric. ?Come here Matthew,? she said. He did, axe in his left hand. She lifted him onto her lap, took his right hand, moved it softly over her hair. ?This,? she said, ?this is how people liked to be touched.?

?Pat people, mama??

?Yes, pat people.?

?And cuddle people??

His mother smiled. He was learning. Realistically, juvenile detention could be ten years away but he was capable of learning. They wouldn?t have to worry about defence lawyers? fees eating into their non-existent retirement fund.

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Matthew drew back, smiled, raised the axe in his left hand, ?Then hit people with axe, mama??

http://oneiopen.wordpress.com/2007/03/26/hi-i%e2%80%99m-a-happy-axe-murderer/

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.com/articles/humor/article_286.shtml

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Idiotic Human Behavior Traced To Greenhouse Gases

admin — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:11:56 +0000

Idiotic Human Behavior Traced To Greenhouse Gases

By: Tom Attea

An innovative study by an environmental scientist attempts to explain the recent uptick in idiotic human behavior. According to the resourceful researcher, the likely culpret is the abundant supply of greenhouse gases. As a result of their ascendance, there is simply not enough oxygen left in the atmosphere for the human brain to function at the usual level.

He reasons that the principal greenhouse gas, carbon dioxide, is frequenly derived from carbon monoxide, the toxic effluent of tailpipes and other smokestacks. To become the dioxide version, the monoxide must add an atom of oxygen, which, for lack of other alternatives, it removes from the atomosphere.

To make his determination, the scientist measured the percentage of oxygen currently available for general breathing and the amount of the same invigorating substance in a sealed time capsule that was buried during the 1950s, a time, history tells us, of an extraordinary degree of human sanity.

By comparing the two samples, the investigator was able to determine that there is significantly less oxygen in today?s atmosphere.

Commenting on the finding, George Bush said, ?I disagree with the finding, and I’ll tell you why. Today I can think just as well as I could in 1950.?

Dick Cheney remained committed to the present course, saying, ?Don’t pay any attention to these environmental reactionaries. They’re bad for the economy. And, if you think we?re dumber now, wait till we?re too dumb to notice. Then the problem will be solved.?

On the other hand, Arlen Spector, R-PA, noted, ?I have actually detected a noticeable slowdown in the intellectual activity of Congress. When I first came to Washington, I can remember an occasion or two when I actually heard an intelligent argument.?

Article Source:
http://www.articlecity.

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